- Abusive Relationship - Bing
One in four women has experienced domestic violence in her lifetime. Women account for 85% of partner violence and men account for 15% according to the Domestic Violence Resource Center. As a friend of someone who is in an abusive relationship, it may be difficult to know what to say, how to say it or even continue to be a part of that person's life because it is too painful to be a part of. As a friend, there are certain things that can be said and done that could help.
Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship
There are many warning signs that exist when someone is in an abusive relationship. Some of these signs may be more apparent than others; however, it is important to note that partner violence is not just physical, it can be emotional and sexual as well.
Michigan State University has the only domestic violence shelter and support program that is affiliated with a university in the United States and it is called Safe Place. Safe Place identifies warning signs that someone you know may be in an abusive relationships as the following:
- injuries and excuses
- absences from work or school
- low self-esteem
- accusations of having an affair
- personality changes
- fear of conflict
- self-blame
- aggressive or care-taking behavior in children
As a friend, it is likely to question why the person can't just leave the relationship. Leaving the relationship could also be a very dangerous time for the person so it is imperative that if a dialogue begins about how to leave the abusive relationship, a safety plan is developed. As a friend, helping to develop a safety plan could be the most important help that is offered.
One of the most important resources to develop a safety plan is to get in contact with a local domestic violence shelter or the National Domestic Violence Hotline. These professionals assist in the development of a safety plan for the person being abused as well as any children that may be involved.
Reaching out to a Friend in an Abusive Relationship
In an interview with Suite101, Catherine Hassinger, the Executive Director of Bethany House of Northern Virginia, Inc. says, "One of the most important things we can do to help someone we think is in an abusive relationship is to be a listening and non-judgmental ear. You cannot know what her life is really like until you listen, and you cannot force her to leave. The decision has to be hers, or it won’t “stick.”
Bethany House of Northern Virginia, Inc. is a non-profit faith-based organization committed to assist victims of abuse.
Hassinger offers the following that can be helpful when reaching out to a friend in an abusive relationship:
- Listen without judging, express concerns.
- Help to recognize abuse is more than physical it can also be emotional, verbal or sexual).
- Help them to see they are not to blame for the violence.
- Help to develop a safety plan.
- Make it clear to that violence is not acceptable.
- Assist in getting legal or other types of protection.
- Ask, "What can I do to help you?"
Resources and the Types of Help to Offer
Making contact with the local domestic violence shelter can be a great resource as they can help to identify a long-term safety plan. Places like the Family Justice Center that are often located in each community, offers a plethora of resources for women and men that are in need of help. Some types of services offered at a Family Justice Center can include legal help, case management and even job hunting and money management.
Whatever the situation looks like, it is a personal choice of whether staying by a friend in an abusive relationship is the right thing to do. Only you can decide what you are capable of doing and offering. If the decision is made to help the friend, it will be important to remain in contact, offer a safe harbor, secure emotional support, provide an emergency escape if needed and possibly give monetary support if possible. The time between the decision to leave and the actual act of a friend leaving an abusive relationship may be considerable, however, it is an opportunity to help empower the friend and to help to build a foundation for their future.
Jessica Guberman - Jess Guberman has been a nonprofit executive for 17 years. Throughout her career, she has written articles about social enterprise, ...
